NUGC - Nottingham University Gliding Club

The Wise Tent Replies...

Dear Chris,

Many thanks for your questions, I was beginning to think I was obsolete and was thinking of retiring to the Tent Graveyard... also known as Portmoak..... No tent ever returns once there....

But back to your question. I may be a God of soaring, but I concern myself mainly with a higher aspect of the sport than actually Flying the gliders.... My experience being somewhat limited due to the fact us Tents lack suitable appendages to manipulate the control-watchchama-callits.

However, even I know that The black lever shall be checked and moved when the doctrine 'WULF' is recited upon the down-wind leg, or thou shalt be penniless and the subject of much mirth. This knowledge comes as many a pilot has returned to the campsite, slightly the worse for wear at such pilots expense, and the reasons for internal tent redecoration are a hot topic amongst wise and less-than-wise tents I can assure you!

However, a new curse? no, I think its more a symptom of the sort of person who would be silly enough to allow themselves to be elected as the representative of a body of pilots who take their spiritual guidance from a badger-shaped canvas dwelling............. Not that such guidance is any less valid than any other source!

The Wise Tent Replies...

Hmm,

Another long sleep comes to an end.... and I appear to have filled out somewhat. Henceforth you shall see me on airfields in my new guise as the 'Stealth Badger'. However worry not, tent-worshipping ones, the same raw intellect and power still dwells within this new frame, and beware those who neglect to pay me the correct finements.
But I digress,
A broken glider is a most distressing and sorrowful piece of news...... as I have not yet visited Barkston Heath I cannot sh...(ughh- Please do not use such words in my presence! TENTS are the only form of accomodation that shalt pass your lips!!!)- anyway, I cannot shine direct light on this situation but maybe we can deduce the answer.
As I remember, the K18 is not the most highly performing item in the fleet. Also, several newer members have now progressed to flying this contraption from the 2-seat gliders. Early thoughts would point to the obvious, that this is another 'Langton-Effect' related incident. However, that is just what some people would like us to think.......

I know that the earthly body inhabited by the 'Langton Effect' was far away at the time. Also, you mention a grin.. this grin haunts my dreams and many other tents speak of it. we fear that the carrier of the grin inhabits our most ancient foe and dreaded foe, the Car-a-van. Also, rumour has it that this person only flys the best of the fleet, and likes to 'share the cost' of such flights with students. This would appear to be the perfect motive for removing such an aircraft as the K18 from the fleet at the start of the soaring season....
Im sure you can work the rest out for yourself, My copy of 'Awning Monthly' has just arrived. Good day to you!

The Wise Tent Replies...

Hmm, quite a challenge! you have so many questions, my young one.

I shall do my tented best to answer, although the lack of recent beer sacrifices has not gone unnoticed, and
I must confess I didn't see much of the Juniors, as I was mostly pitched, although 'moored' might be a better word, in a remote corner of the airfield.

The answer to your first question you have provided yourself previously! However, your powers appear to be growing, now you do not even need to intend to fly to cause a precipitatory flux in the meterological continum.

Ah, the great art of faffing. As you grow older you will truly appreciate the ability to appear to be busy, while actually doing bu**ger all. It would appear the oganisers were trying to educate the juniors in this ancient art, and on the day in question, deemed the 15m guys were proficent enough to do some cross-country faffing while the juniors required some remedial tuition! In the words of someone not very famous "Indecsion is the key to flexibility!" in this case however, the only flexibility was choosing when to de-rig, before or after the rain!

Im afraid your next question has me puzzled. At no time during the week did any entity that could be descibed as a 'band' appear on the airfield. I did hear that Robbie Williams perfomred quite a good gig in Cambridgeshire...

Ribena? Red wine? One of my fellow less-than-wise tents appears to have had an unfortunate incident when his human attempted a 'redecoration' via the medium of red wine. Maybe your answer will be brought to you via the letters 'J' and 'V' and a desire not to be the only one to commit this feat all week.
The mark on your tent door may also be connected to the red wine incident, It may also mean you are cursed. Or a passing bird had a really urgent medical problem. Either way, if it won't wash out I would invest in a yellow flysheet and avoid any large hedgehogs you may meet.

The Wise Tent Replies...

Dear Neil,
As you rightly guessed, the questions are probably linked.
Most can be answered very easily, but the whole scenario, as I am but a wise tent of soaring and gliding, may evade me.
You probably woke up in your back garden because you went to sleep there, unless you were dropped there by a passing rhinocerous.
Your wallet being empty could be the result of you being robbed by the rhinocerous, or spending all your money.
Carly could be the name of the rhinocerous, although they are not renowned for their spelling and I think that such a beast attempting to write on your leg may cause other, more troublesome, injuries.
Maybe there are a family of drunk football hooligans living in your head, or maybe this is the result of the rhinocerous kissing you goodnight.
And finally, getting dropped of by a rhinocerous, even in your garden, has probably annoyed your housemates. Or it could be the fact you didn't put the tomato ketchup away in the right place last week, a crime they will hold against you for at least 3 months. I personally prefer the rhinocerous explaination though.

Right, now back to my plans for world domination by ME-7.

The Wise Tent Replies...

Who dares wake his tentness from my long and peaceful slumber? I sense a deep and meaningful problem. Just don't expect that sort of answer!
Count yourself lucky that you have a girlfriend who allows you to spend so much time gliding, although its nice that you are trying to make it up to her by using waterballast to shorten the time you spend away from her. I have heard tell around my site that only the most practiced pilots get any benefit from waterballast, so maybe you should find one of these 'pundits' and get them to show you how and when it is best to use this performance enhancing measure. In some situations it just results in poor performance and a soggy cockpit, which your girlfriend most definitely will not thank you for.

Curses of the god of soaring are common as these gods are very sensitive. I once saw someone so cursed for merely eating a tic-tac in an offensive way. Do not fret though, as soaring gods are also notoriously fickle and should lose interest in you soon as long as you do not anger them further.
I have heard tell of several attempted petrol pump sacrifices, although this method appears to work only if you also sacrifice a glider as well. I therefore do not recommend this course of action, a sacrifice to the great wise tent being far less likely to anger the gods.
Now begone! I intend to fly this year, and I don't fancy my chances if you hang around...

The Wise Tent Replies...

Ahhhhh, such an inquisitive and angry young man. Do I sense a disgruntled K-21 pilot in my midst?

Alas, I must confess that I missed the 'Moak. admittedly, I'd have loved to have accepted EUGC's hospitality, but I had to look after my Aunt Ethel (her inner-tent is giving her awful jip) - besides Scotland's far to cold for tents, has noone ever told you that before?

However, I digress. I believe you may be confusing pride and insecurity with amazement that they successfully managed to blag the pride of the Four Counties fleet for some ridge-based jollies. I'm told (albeit by a biased, and you may have guessed it, grinning source) that the Duo was never out-performed. As a result, NUGC needed to borrow some Jock kit to keep those grumbling about wanting to get a flight "some time this millenium" content.

Alas, this wasn't entirely in the spirit of a student event (as to coin a Hallism "Wood is the Future!"), but at least we managed to bring some kit this time. Even if this did come with the mandatory 200lbs of beer-swilling ballast fitted.

Now, nick off. Oh, and a final point: My wings are bigger than your wings. Nah, nah, nah, nah, naaaaaah!

The Wise Tent Replies...

Well, as a Notts. Uni. Student, you could spend £30 on joining their gliding club. Not only will you have a damn good laugh, but you can get in a bit of cheap flying as well. Unfortunately, with a cheap bar available for post-flying "refreshments", you may not escape the evils of alcohol. No worries - I have you a new liver already on order.